The first part of looking at our fear is just inviting it into our awareness without judgment. We just acknowledge gently that it is there. This brings a lot of relief already. Then, once our fear has calmed down, we can embrace it tenderly and look deeply into its roots, its sources.
–Thich Nhat Hanh, Fear
I wanted to go for a walk. It was the beginning of spring and the birds were starting to sing again. Sunday morning walks are some of my favorites. But Jeff couldn’t go and Owen didn’t want to go. Go for a walk on my own? Fear struck my heart; anxiety kicked in and threatened many untrue worries about what could happen.
But my desire to go on this walk was stronger than those fears. My desire to enjoy the sun and take care of myself is something I value and want to uphold.
I took a deep breath, felt the air in my lungs, and allowed the whirling panic to touch that air, dance with it, and say hello to it. Breathing out slowly, I put on my walking shoes, loaded my baby into the stroller, and walked out the door. The walk was so lovely and the longer I walked, the less anxiety I felt.
As I align my values with my life (see the next post tomorrow), I’ve developed one phrase that keeps me going in some of my most paralyzing moments of anxiety and depression:
“Feel it and do it anyway.”
Anxiety and depression storms come. Bad weather is a part of life. But bad weather does not define living. Sunshine comes too, but sunshine does not define living either. Weather moves, it swirls, it changes. If you live in Idaho, it changes every minute. Our emotions are the same way. They are only internal weather that comes and goes. We can look inwardly, like we’d look out the window, and say, “Hello, sunshine” or “Hello, thunder,” and keep going anyway.
Fighting the storm is what brings the pain. Fighting the anxiety intensifies the anxiety–sometimes ten-fold. Sure, there are days when the storms are too painful to work through. And that’s okay too. But as I’ve continued with this method, the anxiety and depression are a part of me, but they don’t run my life anymore. Gradually, they’ve begun to step back and give the stage to other more meaningful parts of me.
In case you’re interested, here’s a quick run-down of how I treat a mild to moderate anxiety attack:
- Anxiety hits, flames begin to build inside my chest
- Start to panic
- Remember it’s okay–the weather is changing (sometimes it takes a while for me to remember this, but with practice it’s becoming easier)
- Say “hello, anxiety” or “hello, depression, I wondered when I’d see you today. I’m going to do the dishes, come along if you’d like.”
- Then, and this is the most important part, I let the anxiety or depression stay. Instead of fighting it, I cradle it like I would my little baby, and then I become engaged in the task at hand. I take a few breaths and mindfully wash the dishes–feel the bubbles on my fingers, watch the stream of water run down the cookie sheet. All of it while breathing in and out mindfully. I used to hate washing the dishes. It isn’t so bad when I do it this way.
- Usually in a low to moderate anxiety attack, this is enough for it to say, “I’ve been seen. Time to go on my way.” If it isn’t, that’s okay. I feel it and keep going anyway. Small steps. That is all that matters.Small, meaningful moments create a meaningful life. Small is all I need.
As you read, please remember that I am not a therapist. I am not qualified to say that this will work for everyone. My goal in writing down all of this is mainly for me to remember and to maybe, just maybe, help someone else. I forget about these steps a lot, so writing them down on this blog has helped me to remember.
I have learned a lot of these ideas through my therapy sessions and through my reading. If you are interested in learning about defusing difficult emotions, from anxiety and depression to anger and pain, you might want to read The Happiness Trap and/or anything from Thich Nhat Hanh (Fear and From Mud to Lotus have been my favorites so far). They have helped me learn how to recognize the storms and defuse them–and most importantly, to learn that most storms are normal and absolutely and totally okay. Like I said, fighting against those storms will make them much, much worse, so most of the time it is easier to just sit back and watch the rain.